Regaining our balance

Sometimes life is like that. Something unexpected upsets our routine, and we are knocked off-balance... In each case, our emotional equilibrium is hammered, and we feel as if we can’t stand. Those moments should cause us to turn to God. When we feel we are losing our balance, He can help. He provides spiritual resources to help us stand.

We can endure anything if we depend on God for everything.

-- Bill Crowder

ODB

pictures from My white water rafting experience in Interlacken, Switzerland 2006

I recently had an emotional equilibrium disturbing experience at work in which circumstances were blown out of proportion. 

It was shocking to see the ripple effect but also unsettling to me and my relationship with the person who innocently started things in motion. 

I struggled with how to respond and before I even had a chance to speak, 

God in his infinite mercy provided the balm I needed to ease the situation over. 

He is an ever present help in time of trouble. 

I love you Baba. 

Increase my love for you. 

Amen. 

God Does Not Despise My Weakness

Tales of a First Year Resident: half way through intern year

So here I stand at the doorway of the mid point of intern year. 

I have two conclusions thus far. First, the hospital is not a benign place. One of two things happen in a hospital setting; you get better or you get worse. The improvement in health status can be simply because the disease course is one that improves with time and without medical intervention. Or, some intervention in the hospital worked. The same theory holds when health status worsens. It could simply be that the disease course is such that the condition worsens before it improves, it worsens permanently until death occurs, or it worsens because of some iatrogenic cause ie we in the hospital made it worse. I have not witnessed a Pediatric death yet and I am grateful but I know it is inevitable to be a doctor and not encounter the death of a patient. 


My second conclusion is that God's grace, strength and favour have carried me through. I can honestly say the hard days are days when I am not plugged in to the holy spirit and I am working from within myself. As a Christian that is not my design or purpose. Residency is teaching me how limited I am when I work from within and as if unto myself. Thank God for his infinite grace. 

I recall my toughest day at work. It was a night shift. I admitted 11 patients that night, only 2 of whom needed to be under inpatient care. The other 9 were what I call 'ER care admissions.' That means they really need ER management but the ER is too full or too busy to give the patient the time to improve under watchful waiting and so the patient gets shunted to the inpatient unit where we then do the job that should have been done in the ER. Was it hard to admit 11 patients? Yes, but that is not what made my night so tough. It was the frustration with the ER and my overwhelming need for restraint in order not to shake the parents and say to them 'you idiot! you are harming your child more by allowing them to be admitted to the hospital.' Yes, the memory reeks of not being plugged in.  


So half way through intern year do I have any regrets? Not really. I wish I had more time off. I wish residency was not so consuming. And I wish I could get more sleep. I love sleep!!! 


I am where I am meant to be and I am at peace with that. Thank God for for his infinite mercy. 

Between The Years

I stand between the years. The light of My Presence is flung across the year to come--the radiance of the Sun of Righteousness. Backward, over the past year, is My Shadow thrown, hiding trouble and sorrow and disappointment. 

Dwell not on the past--only on the present. Only use the past as the trees use My Sunlight to absorb it, to make from it in after days the warming fire-rays. So store only the blessings from Me, the Light of the World. Encourage yourselves by the thought of these. 

Bury every fear of the future, of poverty for those dear to you, of suffering, of loss. Bury all thought of unkindness and bitterness, all your dislikes, your resentments, your sense of failure, your disappointment in others and in yourselves, your gloom, your despondency, and let us leave them all, buried, and go forward to a new and risen life. 

Remember that you must not see as the world sees. I hold the year in My hands--in trust for you. But I shall guide you one day at a time. 

Leave the rest with Me. You must not anticipate the gift by fears or thoughts of the days ahead. 

And for each day I shall supply the wisdom and strength. 

--God Calling by Two Listeners

images from ijunagila flickr

A Psalm for Christmas Day

Jesus Christ

You accepted Father's plan

Left your throne not considering equality with God something to hold to

You knew in your heart its yours for all time

Made yourself nothing

You came to live with us,

Emmanuel

Incarnated as helpless babe

Your love so great

The only Son, you gave yourself

So all may believe and live with you

Father, Son, and Spirit,

for all eternity

And I too may say

Abba, Father

Jesus

You gave us true worship

For at your birth heaven's choir came down to sing

"Glory to God in the highest..."

Amazing love, o what sacrifice

The Son of God given for me

What child indeed! 

And as Simeon praised,

"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised...

a light for revelation to the Gentiles 

and for glory to your people Israel."

And man shall live forever more

because of Christmas day!

Timely...

I will not fail you. (Joshua 1:5) God will not let you down. He will not disappoint you, bring you halfway through, come up short, promise more than He can deliver, draw back, faint, be feeble, be slothful, be weak, or release His hold upon you.  I will not forget you. (Isaiah 49:15) God will not have a memory loss, lose interest in you, lose track of you, or lose sight of you. He will not be thinking about you one moment and forget about you the next. He will not lose track of you. He will not lead you somewhere and then forget where you are. He will always be paying attention, and He will never be oblivious to your needs or situation.  I will not lie to you. (Psalm 89:35) God will never make something up. He will not fool you or trick you in any way, at any time, or for any reason. He will never distort or deceive. He will never speak a false word in your ear, or whisper an uncaring word to your heart. He will never say anything that is “too good to be true.” I will not remember your sins. (Isaiah 43:25) God will never say to you that the blood of Jesus is not enough to wash away your sins. He will never tell you that you must do more, try harder, or wait longer in order to be forgiven. Once your sins are repented of and confessed, they are cast into the depths of the deepest sea and are no longer held against you. His forgiveness frees you from all condemnation, and keeps you from having a cloud of uncertainty hanging over your spirit.  [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down ( relax My hold on you)! (Hebrews 13:5 AMP) God will never say to you, “I’m sorry, I would like to help you, but I can’t.” You will never hear Him say, “I’m sorry, I would like to help you, but this is not a good time for me.” You will never hear Him say, “I’m sorry, I would like to help you, but you’ll have to wait your turn.” God will not fail you, so be confident; God will not forget you, so be assured; God will not lie to you, so be trusting; God will not remember your sins, so be free, cleansed, and forgiven; God will not forsake you, so be strong, bold, and fearless. God will be all these things to you and much, much more, so be courageous. --Meet Me In The Meadow

Turning

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust you. How i've proved you o'er and o'er. 

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus. O! for grace to trust you more...

And as I live life on the daily, the command this year is 

2 Tim 2:15 

"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, 

a workman who does not need to be ashamed 

and who correctly handles the word of truth."

Another year to live for Christ. 

A year in which I desire to hear audibly from God regarding his plan for my future. 

After all, Iju ngu agula (It is God who determines)

Another year in which I desire to make my Father's heart smile. 

Ps 37:4 -  A promise by the One who does not fail...

To the glory of your name Baba

It is your name at stake