Tales of a First Year Resident: half way through intern year

So here I stand at the doorway of the mid point of intern year. 

I have two conclusions thus far. First, the hospital is not a benign place. One of two things happen in a hospital setting; you get better or you get worse. The improvement in health status can be simply because the disease course is one that improves with time and without medical intervention. Or, some intervention in the hospital worked. The same theory holds when health status worsens. It could simply be that the disease course is such that the condition worsens before it improves, it worsens permanently until death occurs, or it worsens because of some iatrogenic cause ie we in the hospital made it worse. I have not witnessed a Pediatric death yet and I am grateful but I know it is inevitable to be a doctor and not encounter the death of a patient. 


My second conclusion is that God's grace, strength and favour have carried me through. I can honestly say the hard days are days when I am not plugged in to the holy spirit and I am working from within myself. As a Christian that is not my design or purpose. Residency is teaching me how limited I am when I work from within and as if unto myself. Thank God for his infinite grace. 

I recall my toughest day at work. It was a night shift. I admitted 11 patients that night, only 2 of whom needed to be under inpatient care. The other 9 were what I call 'ER care admissions.' That means they really need ER management but the ER is too full or too busy to give the patient the time to improve under watchful waiting and so the patient gets shunted to the inpatient unit where we then do the job that should have been done in the ER. Was it hard to admit 11 patients? Yes, but that is not what made my night so tough. It was the frustration with the ER and my overwhelming need for restraint in order not to shake the parents and say to them 'you idiot! you are harming your child more by allowing them to be admitted to the hospital.' Yes, the memory reeks of not being plugged in.  


So half way through intern year do I have any regrets? Not really. I wish I had more time off. I wish residency was not so consuming. And I wish I could get more sleep. I love sleep!!! 


I am where I am meant to be and I am at peace with that. Thank God for for his infinite mercy.