There is so much a new medical intern with a blog can write about in the first week: Day 1 which is usually overwhelming and scary; day 7 which you would think should be better than day 1 but still has the same emotions... and maybe even a greater sense of impending doom because it's been a week and I still feel the same and have realized how little I know.
One story I definitely want to share is that of a young mother, younger than I, who came into the Emergency department clutching her 2 yr old son who is crying, maybe from the pain of his mother's death grip or simply because he is terrified of what is going on, and mum cannot speak yet so the EMS (ambulance) technician has to say for her "2yr old male who had a febrile seizure witnessed by mother." Now, I know as a medical person that febrile seizures are relatively benign and though they may carry an increased risk for future seizure disorders, a family history of seizure disorder is more concerning and the patient doesn't have such a family history. Mum doesn't know any of this. As I took a detailed history from her, her words to me "that was the longest minute of my life," were the most striking and thought provoking statement of my first week of residency.
I find that I am forced to morph, in the span of one week, into a female health professional that is concerned about the concerning things to physical health and less concerned about the emotional. That mother was distraught. And it wasn't until she broke down in tears in the middle of the ER when I told her how common and relatively benign febrile seizures are that i realized she was probably more terrified than her son. It was also at that moment I realized I must keep my humanity in medicine.
Soon after this experience I called and emailed my closest friends and told them it is their responsibility to make sure I stay soft and pliable and connected. I am not allowed to loose my empathy.
So one week in I am tired, scared still of having a human life as my responsibility but excited and joyful and fighting to remain human.
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4 comments:
Definately a good lesson. You said it all, "need not loose empathy/humanity in medicine." And I am sure the few sec/mins it took to explain the situation to the mother made a huge difference to her.
May we all be blessed enough to have you, or a doctor like you, as our care provider! You have definitely chosen the right field and God will continue to work through you for His glory!
wow. Praise God for your decision. I constantly pray for doctors with a "heart" when I am searching. I am so excited for you. You will do great :)
Jagila, you are a master of moment-making... May God be with you even in the longest ones. Thanks for giving me a window in to your present living. Miss you in Illinois... Tim
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