Will I ever get there?

In an interview for her alma mater one of my closest friend's, when asked how her faith influences the work she feels called to do said:

"This is an excerpt from a devotion that keeps me going: Are you ready to be poured out as an offering?'' philippians 2:17 -it is one thing to follow God's way of service if you are regarded as a hero, but quite another thing if the road marked out for you by God requires becoming a 'doormat' under other people's feet. God's purpose maybe to teach you to say, 'i know how to be abased,' (phil 4:12). are you ready to be sacrificed like that? are you ready to be less than a mere drop in the bucket - to be so totally insignificant that no one remembers you even if they think of those you served? are you willing to give and be poured out until you are used up and exhausted - not seeking to be ministered to, but to minister? some saints cannot do menial work while maintaining a saintly attitude, because they feel such service is below their dignity. What motivates me is NOT that God requires me to save the world but that all God requires of me is to be on His team; the saving of the world I leave to the Trinity. I just put on my spiritual armor and go out to battle."

I have been pondering that in the last 24 hrs. See, I am not doormat-material. Far from it in fact! If anything, I choose when to be a doormat and it has to be in my own time, and at my own discretion. And yet I am happy to just be on God's team knowing the weight of saving the world does not rest on me.

There in lies my contradiction. Can one be at peace with being used by God and yet be unwilling to be a doormat? More importantly, his doormat? One of my most favourite quotes is from the book Hinds Feet on High Places (a must read!) by Hannah Hurnard. "You my Lord never regarded me as I actually was, lame and weak and crooked and cowardly. You saw me as I would be when you had done what you promised and had brought me to the High Places..."

That is my magnificent obsession! To know that he will do what he promised and bring me to the High Places of Christ-likeness. And someday, I will no longer be tied by my dignity and pride, but willingly and openly will be the doormat for my love.